A Journey Starts With One Foot Forward
by TheGirlWithTheDragonNecklace
Summary: A journey of two immature boys on the journey of becoming men. One rises to the occasion faster than the other. Can Remus grow up before Sirius does something drastic? Or is it too late for these best friends to make amends?
1. Chapter 1

**A Journey Starts With One Foot Forward**

**Dark of Light**

The Hogwarts Express left at precisely eleven o'clock. And Sirius was late, yet again. He had just seconds to board the train and, with a jump, both he and his luggage, including his owl, made it across. He ran down the corridor of the train, searching for James, his best friend who was practically his brother, and, if he was honest with himself, he was searching for Remus too. But he hated being honest with himself. It only brought back the painful memory of when he had tried to tell his parents.

"_No son of mine is going to be involved with males! I won't have such a creature in my house! Monster! Abomination! I despair at the very look of you! Unworthy Black! Oh, you torture your mother with your cruel ways! Lock him in the basement Kreacher!" His mother screamed at him._

"_Sirius, you will marry whoever we tell you regardless of this…abnormality, to be polite. If you tell anyone, ANYONE, at all, you will never again set foot in this house of mine." His father said before turning away, refusing to speak to him._

The memory was like a swift knife to the gut that was quickly dragged upwards, until it came to the bottom of his chest. His heart panged as he thought of his family. Cruel tyrants they were, but they were still a part of him. Without them, he would not exist and they made him what he is today. Though, he wished he wasn't so handsome, as a female from Gryffindor waved at him and giggled to herself. How could she not get it?

"Siri, we're in here!" Remus called from down the corridor, grinning at the sight of Sirius.

"Remi! I'm coming, mate." Sirius was the only one privileged enough to call Remus Remi. And only Remus could call Sirius Siri. It was their thing.

He grinned and sat back down. Sirius came trudging in with his luggage and hoisted it over Remus's head. He looked around at his seating options and realised that he had to sit next to Remus. What luck, he thought to himself. It was bad enough sleeping in a bed near Remus, let alone sitting next to him. Especially when he hadn't been able to fully…enjoy himself all summer thanks to his mother locking him in the basement.

"Siri, what's wrong?" Remus looked at him, his eyes filled with concern and his face in a frown. It was like he could read his mind.

"Aww, you guys are like lovebirds with the short nicknames for each other. Soon you'll be going out and walking around holding hands and quoting poetry to each other…." James wouldn't stop taunting them and he conjured a flower out of thin air.

"Remus loves Sirius, Remus loves Sirius not. Remus loves Sirius, Remus loves Sirius not. Remus loves Sirius!" James was happy to discover after picking off the last petal that Remus did, in fact, love Sirius.

Remus and Sirius simply looked at each other. They were pretty much reading each other's minds; who would hex him first?

Sirius whipped out his wand and shouted out a hex, the notorious hex of 'langlock'. This caused James's tongue to be stuck to the roof of his mouth, forcing him to stop taunting the two of them.

"Let's discuss this in the bathroom." Sirius knew this would only cause James's imagination to run wild but things had to be settled. James knew all about Sirius and about his secret crush too. Peter was too delicate to hear such things. It was Remus who deserved to be told.

"Tell me what happened." Remus simply stared at Sirius. He expected this to be of incredible importance. But what he heard was not what he expected at all.

"Remi…I'm gay." Sirius couldn't face him as he said it, so he turned away.

"I'm sorry, who are you and what have you done with the womaniser Sirius Black who has slept with every girl in every house besides the girls who don't want to lose it?" Remus taunted Sirius, certain that Siri was pulling his leg.

"Remi, I'm telling the truth. Those girls were to make sure that I was after guys. Or A guy, anyway. I couldn't get it up unless I was thinking about a guy. One guy in particular." Sirius looked at the floor, ashamed.

"Sirius it doesn't matter that you're gay. Nothing to be ashamed of mate. Who's the guy? We'll come up with a plan." Remus smiled at him, not bothered at all by this shocking revelation.

"Remus….my crush is you, Remi. I'm in love with you." Sirius stared into Remus's hazel eyes, his mesmerising eyes, the ones he could not help but get lost in.

It seemed like too much to ask for, that Remus would admit it straight back. As it was, Remus stared at him in horror and in disgust before turning on his heels and storming back to the compartment. Sirius sat on the bathroom floor and cried. He had poured his heart out and had been worse than rejected. The look on Remus's face said it all; he would never be able to look at Sirius again. Sirius had lost everything that mattered to him. Remus was the one that got him through each summer at his parent's house. Remus was the one that made all the suffering worthwhile. Without Remus, what would make Sirius survive?

Like they say, there is nothing worse than unrequited love.

Sirius managed to stop crying though his eyes were swollen and puffy, not to mention red. It was obvious he'd been crying but he didn't care. Soon, everyone would know why. He tried to slide back into the compartment but Remus seemed to find something to say to him.

"No, Sirius will find another compartment today." Remus didn't even look at him.

Sirius spun around and went straight back to the bathroom. He locked himself in a cubicle and slid to the floor, head in his hands. He began to cry again, worse than before.

How can one escape a nightmare that is all the more worse when it's reality?


	2. Chapter 2

**Stunning Toilets**

Sirius's tears slowly came to a stop as he realised that what was the point in crying when you couldn't even comfort yourself? And why was the sun shining bright, why was the train filled with the sounds of laughter when the world had come to a crashing halt? When the world had taken a spiral downward, playing a dark, cruel game with the hand of fate.

Sirius stood up. He was no coward. He was a Black, so he would not give up. He would not give in. He was a survivor.

He stood up once more, a purpose in his mind. He knew what course of action to take. First, he would find out what Remus's sexual preferences were. He'd never been with anyone before but sourcing out his…pleasure material should be fairly easy with a simple summoning charm once he reached Hogwarts. Next, if he was a homosexual, he would woo him. He knew Remus better than anyone. Simple two step plan. But if he wasn't gay, Sirius didn't know what he'd do. He walked into the compartment and sat down next to a sleeping Remus.

"Sirius, mate…" James trailed off as Sirius glared at him. Peter stayed silent, supposedly confused at what was happening when in actual fact, he'd heard Sirius sleep talk during an erotic dream once.

Sirius closed his eyes and escaped into a dream world for the rest of the train ride. He dreamt that Remus loved him. He and Remus were holding each other. Simply holding each other. And Remus was whispering in his ear his name. Sirius.

"Sirius!" James shouted at him, trying to wake him up.

Sirius woke with a start. Well, someone had been saying his name, though it wasn't who he wished it to be. Remus had already left their compartment, gone up to castle in one of the carriages. How they were going to cope when they had to sit next to each other in every subject, Sirius did not know.

v

Why couldn't he have shouted? Why did he have to look at Sirius in disgust when it was his reflection that disgusted him more? He, Remus Lupin, the werewolf that got bitten at a young age. The werewolf that disgusted his parents, the werewolf that disgusted his goddamned self. Surely, a curse such as his would condemn him to the fiery depths of Hell, after journeying into a dark abyss and suddenly being surrounded by flames in the blazing pits of Hell. A dance with Devil would be practically a thing for werewolves. And yet, everyone else believed a kinder fate for the respectable Remus Lupin. His friends thought the best of him saying that if one of them was to go to Heaven it would be Remus.

How Remus had hated himself for rejecting Sirius. He had been so sure that he could remain calm and rational under any circumstance that Sirius put him through.

Granted, this one had been something of a shock.

Sirius had done nothing wrong. Sure, he loved Remus. So what? But the demon voice whispered in the back of Remus's head.

"You're a werewolf. You're a monster. No one can ever love you. Especially when they find out you are WORSE than a werewolf!"

But Remus tried reasoning with the demon, saying that only his close friends knew of his furry little problem. And they still cared. But the demon always won. He had betrayed his very best friend, and if he was honest with himself, the only person who truly understood him. Sirius.

Riding in the same carriage as Lily Evans was annoying. She was complaining about James Potter _again _when it was so obvious that she liked him.

"Oh my god, he like always ruffles his hair up to look cool, he always plays with that snitch and he's got those friends of his too…" Lily criticized, a slight rosy colour appearing on her cheeks.

"You mean Sirius? Oh, he's so gorgeous!" All the girls in the carriage went on to describe his hot looks and, especially, his body.

"Have you seen his biceps? Oh, they look rock hard!" One girl mentioned.

"Has anyone seen if he has abs? Remus! You're in the same dorm, tell us!" A particular girl said and stared at him.

"Yes he does." Remus murmured quietly and all the girls swooned.

"Have you seen his thing? How big is it?" One girl plucked up the courage to ask. Every girl held their breath for his response, even Lily.

"Yes I have. It's way above average." Remus admitted to them, ignoring the memory of accidently walking in on Sirius in the shower.

"OMG! He must look so good naked!" The same girl spoke up while all the girls practically drooled at this new discovery. You could see exactly where their thoughts were travelling at 100 miles per hour.

"Yes he really does." Remus spoke without thinking. All the girls stared at him before he realised his mistake.

"If you like that kind of thing I mean." Remus attempted to cover up his mistake. No one fell for it.

"Are you gay Remus?" Lily asked him, all serious-like.

Remus shook his head and refused to speak another word for the duration of the carriage ride.


End file.
